My worst fear was always something happening to my parents’ health. I always told myself the first thing I’d do after getting a job was buy them insurance. But I hadn’t even started working yet when my worst fear came true.
I always feel so useless. I’m in my twenties and still can’t share any of the burden for this family — instead, I keep taking from it. The only thing I can offer in return is probably a faint, distant sliver of hope. But what good is that?
November 21, 2019
When I arrived at the hospital around 4 PM on the 2nd, I saw Dad lying in bed with an IV line in his neck and a drainage tube in his abdomen…
Mom hadn’t slept all day either. After I got there, she kept going on about how the surgeon had asked her to sign the consent form the day before and she was too scared to sign.
November 22, 2019
I honestly can’t remember the last time I washed my dad’s feet — maybe it was a primary school homework assignment. Tonight I got some hot water and washed his feet. The bed was kind of high, and the basin on the floor was too low for his feet to reach. So I put the basin on a small stool, but then it was too high and he had to lift his legs slightly. I held the basin with one hand and used the other to wash and gently massage his feet.
When I was little, the textbooks said nurses are angels in white. As I grew older, I’d question whether that was really true — it’s just a job, no need to put them on a pedestal. Now, being in the hospital, I realize my teachers were absolutely right. I feel so helpless — the moment Dad says he’s in pain, there’s nothing I can do. All I can do is carry this helpless feeling and go ask the nurses for help. And at that moment, only the nurses can give you what you need, responding to every request without hesitation. In my eyes right now, nurses truly are beautiful, kind angels in white.